At the risk of embarrassing the crap out of myself I will here and now reveal the first baby steps in the exploration of a new medium: fabric. Please keep in mind that I have never before touched a needle and thread. Honest to god…I donated any clothing that had lost a significant button.
steph
The sun is shining today, a shockingly delicious treat considering the endless gray of late. There is nothing bluer than a bright sky so long unseen. Criminy, it’s like the dawning of hope itself. (yes, it has been VERY bleak for a while)
And so…I rise. Before noon even. Also a rarity these days. When Seanna left she took all the fun out of our lives. She was the ringmaster, the clown, the lion tamer, and the entire high wire act. Every moment was either tragedy or ecstasy, but no one can deny that she lived her life dancing into the light…of oncoming trains and heaven both. Regardless, she was The Show.
And now…I rise, and wait for the show to begin, and grieve because the show is over, and wonder what the next act might be. Supposedly I’m the star of my own life story now, but I could never be so charming and horrifying and outrageous as the former star, though I’m tempted to try. There is no way to carry on without her. She was our lives. She and her sister, Indra. They were the center of it all. Without them an entirely new Show, new Life, must be designed. I was hoping Indra would come back into the center of her father’s life, but it seems not to be. A shame. A silly shame.
Forgive me for so seldom mentioning Indra. It is not that she was less important, because that’s ridiculously untrue, but she was important to me in ways different from her sister. An entirely different relationship that was so sadly not a success, but not for lack of trying. It just wasn’t meant to be.
I wish I could take on the spirit of Seanna and spend the rest of my life dancing into the light, but I’m more quiet and curious by nature. My own recklessness and rebellion is directed toward my art rather than my relationships. And so that is where I must begin. With my art. When I find out what that looks like in the physical absence of my Muse (Seanna), I will share it with you.
steph
